I don’t know where to begin, I’ve thought about this day so much and thought of so many things I’ve wanted to say.
But now, now I can only look at you like the pictures I spend hours staring at. I don’t think I’ve ever smiled so wide as when you were holding me up. I was given a picture the other day of a past birthday, we were together on our back deck.

“I remember. You were covered in powdered sugar from the donuts you were eating, I’ve always loved watching you smile.”

Do you remember the mornings when we woke up early to ride bicycles to on the board walk, or the night before my first homecoming when you taught me how to dance?

“Yes I remember. I hope she appreciated all my hard work.”

I wish I had a different story to tell, I seem I have drifted fairly far away from what you taught me.

I’ll admit there hasn’t been much to smile about since, since you left.

“I didn’t leave, I fought for five years to stay at your side.”

What do you remember about that night?

“I remember a family that loved their wife and mother very much.”

How can you say that?
We were liars, we clung to those songs like we so desperately wanted to cling to you.

“Then I don’t think you heard the same song I did.”

You had to know I was lying, you had to know how much I hated myself for smiling like a fool, for spending our last few minutes together deceiving you.

“Matthew, your smile in the face of your greatest fear was the greatest gift a mother has ever received from her child .”

I miss you

“I know.”